Why I Run Now Isn’t Why I Started

If you’ve exercised consistently for any length of time, there’s a good chance your reasons for doing it have changed over the years.

Mine certainly have.

When I look back on my relationship with running, it’s almost like looking at different versions of myself. The goals were different. The motivations were different. And honestly, some of them were healthier than others.

Maybe you’ll see a little bit of your own story in mine.

In the Beginning, I Ran to Be Small

When I was a teenager and into my early twenties, I ran for the same reason a lot of young women do: I wanted to be skinny.

I wanted to lose fat, fit into smaller clothes, and look cute in a bikini.

Running wasn’t something I particularly loved. It was simply a tool to help me achieve a certain look. I’d occasionally run with friends in high school, and in college I started running more consistently and signing up for local 5Ks.

I wasn’t thinking about longevity, mental health, or personal growth.

I was thinking about calories.

And while that motivation got me moving, it wasn’t exactly a foundation for a lifelong relationship with exercise.

Discovering What My Body Could Do

In my early-to-mid twenties, something started to shift. I still cared about being small, but I also began to wonder what I was capable of.

I moved up to 10Ks and started challenging myself a little more. For the first time, I experienced the satisfaction that comes from training for something and seeing improvement.

There was a growing sense of confidence.

Not confidence in how I looked, but confidence in what I could do.

That was new.

The Half Marathon That Changed Everything

Sometime in my mid-twenties, I agreed to train for a half marathon.

Partly because I wanted to push myself and also because it sounded exciting.

To be perfectly honest, I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into. This was before social media filled our feeds with race photos, training plans, and people casually running ultramarathons on the weekends. Long-distance running still felt a little mysterious at that time.

My husband and I trained together. We were newly married, and it became something we could share.

Looking back, I laugh at how little I knew about nutrition, hydration, recovery, or fueling. Long runs would leave me wiped out for days. I just assumed that was normal.

It wasn’t.

But that experience planted a seed. It showed me that I was capable of more than I thought.

Motherhood Changed My Relationship with Running

Then came babies, and with them came a whole new set of reasons to run.

Yes, part of me still wanted to be small. But more than that, I needed an escape.

Motherhood is wonderful, but those early years can also be incredibly demanding. Between nursing babies, full-time work, household responsibilities, and the constant mental load that comes with caring for small humans, I was stretched thin.

Running became my therapy. And at the time, it was really my only therapy.

It was the one place where nobody needed anything from me. It was where I could hear my own thoughts and where I could breathe.

Then, halfway through a half marathon training cycle, I developed a stress fracture.

I wish I could tell you I listened to my body right away, but I didn’t.

I was stubborn and kept trying to run.

Every run hurt and reminded me that I wasn’t ready.

Eventually, I had to accept what my body had been telling me all along: I needed time to heal.

Physically, it was frustrating. Mentally, it was devastating.

Because I wasn’t just losing exercise, I was losing my outlet.

Thankfully, it healed. But it taught me an important lesson about respecting recovery and recognizing that sometimes the strongest thing we can do is stop pushing.

Running Became About Growth

As my kids grew older and became more independent, my reasons for running evolved again.

I still relied on it for my mental health.

But I also wanted to see what I could accomplish.

I wanted personal records.

I wanted bigger goals.

I started strength training to support my running and signed up for more races. Eventually, I completed a marathon and tackled challenges like the Pike’s Peak Ascent.

Those experiences gave me something beyond fitness.

They gave me confidence.

The training required for those challenging endurance events taught me how to keep promises to myself, how to set a goal, show up and do the work.

I also wanted my kids to see that exercise wasn’t punishment or something you did only when you wanted to lose weight.

I wanted them to see that movement is simply part of life.

Something you do because your body was made to move.

Something you do because it helps you feel better.

Something you do because it’s worth taking care of yourself.

The Truth: I Haven’t Always Loved Running

If I’m being completely honest, there have been seasons when I loved running. And there have been seasons when I hated it.

There have been races that felt incredible. And training cycles that felt like a chore.

There have been periods where I couldn’t wait to lace up my shoes. And periods where every run felt like work.

I think that’s normal.

Not every thing we do has to feel magical all the time.

Sometimes we stay with things because they continue to add value, even when the excitement fades for a while.

Why I Run Now

These days, in my mid-forties, my goals look different.

I’m not chasing personal records or trying to prove anything.

I’m playing the long game.

I still run because it helps me stay sane. Although now I also work with a licensed professional for that. (Highly recommend.)

I still run because I enjoy being outside, watching the sun rise, and occasionally snapping pics of wildflowers along country roads.

I love the quiet.

I love the perspective.

And yes, I’ll be honest—I still like when my pants fit comfortably.

But more than anything, I run because I want to stay adventure-ready.

Want to go hike a mountain?

Yes.

Trail run with my husband?

Absolutely.

Sign up for a sprint triathlon with friends?

Why not?

I want a body that’s capable of saying yes to opportunities.

Not necessarily the fastest or the leanest body.

Just a capable one.

It’s Okay If Your Goals Change

If you’re a woman in your forties, fifties, or beyond and your exercise goals don’t look like they did twenty years ago, that’s okay.

In fact, it might be exactly what should happen.

Your life changes. Your body changes. Your priorities change.

The goal isn’t to keep chasing the same motivation forever.

The goal is to keep finding reasons to move that fit the season you’re in.

Sometimes that’s performance.

Sometimes it’s stress relief.

Sometimes it’s community.

Sometimes it’s confidence.

Sometimes it’s simply because you want to feel strong enough to live the life you want.

Whatever your reason is today, it doesn’t have to be the same one you had ten years ago.

Mine certainly isn’t.

And honestly, I think that’s a sign of growth.